Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Weights over - Finally !

6 months ago, on July 31st, I had a bet that I'd lose 10 kgs by Jan 31st. And as posted in an earlier blog made an elaborate plan to achieve the same. Unfortunately like most plans, this plan served just 1 purpose. To know that it wasn't followed.

On the 1st of October, whilst leaving the US for India I was still weighing the same. With just 4 months to go, I was exactly where I started. Fortunately so was Frank. Who too had to lose 10 kgs. Both of us made the usual threats to each other that we would make it. And were probably as serious as we were when we first made the bet.

Back home, I was craving Indian food and went for a few awesome buffet lunches and dinners. I always loved eating good food and a couple of marriages gave even more opportunities. By the end of the month, I had managed to add yet another kilo and so now had 3 months and 11 kilos to lose. It now seemed an impossible task. I couldn't afford to lose, and so my only hope seemed to be Frank not making it either.

That week Frank called. And had a story to sell. He claimed that medically it wasn't good for him to lose 10 kgs, and could we reduce it to 7. Having used health, it was kinda difficult to refuse, and being the fool I am, I agreed. He was expecting a reluctance or at the least a renegotiation of my weight drop. Neither happened. And so, he offered that I too could lose 7 instead of 10 or now 11. At that very moment, I decided that this bet was one that I needed to win. And so I politely declined.

The very next day, I created a brand new plan. One that I was determined to follow. And for a change I decided to use common sense and my own customized program instead of the hundreds of weight loss programs floating around.

I started this program in mid November. And exactly 2 and a half months later, I had lost 11 kgs or 24 lbs. It feels good. In the last 1 month Frank has been following my progress on a regular basis. And he too will probably make it. One of the few occasions when I'll be happy not to have won.



And for all of you looking for the secret recipe for success, let me share the secret. There is no secret recipe. Its simple mathematics. Burn more calories than you consume and you'll lose weight. Here are the 10 golden rules I followed. They got fine-tuned over a 10 week period. And worked for me. Don't follow them blindly. Experiment. And fine tune. And use the rules that work for you. And for once I sincerely hope you'll lose.

1. Target
Have a definite target weight and a period within which to achieve it.

2. Measurement
The 1st thing to do is invest in a digital weighing machine (Around Rs. 450). And weigh yourself every day. It doesn't allow for convenient readings.

3. Exercise
Sweat it our for at least 1 hour, at least 5 times a week. You could use a gym, or take a brisk walk. You should be able to do around 6 kms in an hour.

4. Breakfast
Eat a filling breakfast. All Indian foods are good. You can also have Muesli or Oats.

5. Lunch
Eat a moderate lunch. Chapathis and vegetables work well.

6. Snacks
You can have a few snacks in between meals. Fruits are ideal.

7. Dinner
Soups and salads. Avoid bread, chapathis, et al.

8. Rice
Avoid. I assume brown rice will be better than white. But if you can manage, avoid even that.

9. Drinks
Drink plenty of water. For some like me, who keep forgetting, just drink 2 litres first thing in the morning. And avoid tea and coffee. And if like me, you're addicted, then try green tea, or tea without sugar.

10. Dessert - The Grand Finale
Have once. After you've achieved your target weight.


p.s.: I won. And lost. Although I made it, so did Frank. Which means I get nothing. Wait a minute. I lost 11 kgs. And feel good. I did win after all. Don't they say "Health is Wealth."

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Flipkart - Flipping Good !

Recently I needed a book that was difficult to find. I called up all the bookstores I knew and no one seemed to have it. For some strange reason, although I am used to ordering books and other stuff from Amazon and other US sites I had no idea that we had similar sites in India.

Since I had no choice, I did a web search. And found a pretty interesting looking website Infibeam.
http://www.infibeam.com/

And the book I desperately needed was available. I was thrilled. Immediately I added it to my shopping cart and tried to pay. Oops. The payment gateway wasn't working. It said try later. I tried 5 times in the next 2 days. No luck. The website had a cool functionality of 24 x 7 support. I called and was disappointed. The numbers didn't seem to work.

The next morning whilst driving to a meeting with my colleague Claudian, I mentioned this to him. He told me that he had read about a site called Flipkart, which a friend too had used and had mentioned that it was pretty good. I was sceptical. I told him, the book I wanted was probably not available. Neverthless, I decided to check it out.


The site like Infibeam, was pretty cool. And had the book I wanted. What's more it was offering a 20% discount. And free shipping. So far, all good. And once again, I clicked "Add to Cart" and proceeded to order. The transaction went off without a hitch. What's more their SMS confirming the transaction was faster than that from my credit card informing me about the payment. Step 1 done.
http://www.flipkart.com/

The site said I should expect the book in 3 -4 business days. Surprise, surprise. I received it in 2 days on a Saturday. And the package was really well packed. In a plastic, bubble wrap and a cardboard box. The e-mails were all also on cue. After ordering, after shipping, tracking number ...


All of this happened in the last 2 weeks. And in just the last week, I have already ordered 5 books, and have experienced the exact awesome service every time.I think Flipkart has what it takes. And is on its way to becoming the Indian Amazon. Yet another instance of, you don't have to be the first, just very good at what you do.

You can read more about the Flipkart story at:
http://www.vccircle.com/500/news/the-making-of-flipkart-story

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Vodafone - Happy to Yelp

Recently I got several calls from my mobile service provider. Vodafone. The callers, rude agents appointed by Vodafone to act as "The Collectors". The fact that the number they referred to was prepaid was lost on both "The Collectors" and Vodafone. On all of these occasions, they were told to send the pending bills. As in the mob, writing does not exist. They behave like extortionists who just threaten. Never received a single letter.


Interestingly the number in question was a prepaid number converted to postpaid in August 2010. And this was done at a Vodafone Customer Center. The executive made a mistake and gave an incorrect outstanding. They then called up later and said that there was an outstanding. Since it was the first time, we went to the Vodafone Center and settled the same. The executive assured us that there were no further dues. And immediately thereafter, "The Collectors" came calling.


Finally fed up, I wrote to Customer Service. My experience seems to indicate that they have made a typo in their tag line "Happy to Help". They mean "Happy to Yelp" and just so that there is no misunderstanding they have their dog growl at you.

I had to write 4 e-mails and the biggest problem seemed to be that they did not bother to even read the mails. They kept sending standard e-mails. Till I finally managed to get through. And even then, they did not have the basic decency to apologize. Their line "We have clarified your query". Wait a minute. I didn't have a query, you did. And you didn't clarify, I did. And you made a mistake. Have the decency to say "Sorry". But I guess expecting telecom companies to apologize for mistakes is a little like expecting the government to admit a mistake.


The question is "Why am I still a Vodafone customer ?" Answer, Vodafone service sucks. Unfortunately so does that of the other service providers. And I guess that until the tremendous growth they're currently experiencing stops, they can continue with their obnoxious behavior and get away with it.

Hopefully soon we will have more competition and better services in telecom. Until then the Vodafone dog shall continue barking.

Am giving below a list of mail exchanges, which illustrate the absolute ridiculousness of the issue.


Mail 1 to Vodafone - dated Dec. 31, 2010
Dear Sirs,

I'm constantly getting calls from Vodafone. As an example I got a call today from number 99300#####, name - Kavita rudely informing me that a bill of Rs. 600 is outstanding on number "98208#####".

I've informed on at least 3 occasions previously that the number in question is a prepaid number and so the question of outstanding does not arise. In any case, even if there is any such amount then a letter needs to be sent.

I've not received a single letter but these nuisance calls continue.

Can you kindly ensure that
a. I do not get these calls
b. That you rectify your system information
c. If there are any issues including those of outstanding, please communicate in writing at my address or e-mail with you.

Regards,
Stephen


Mail 2 to Vodafone dated Dec. 31, 2010
(Sent to the Nodal Officer)

Dear Rashna,

I tried sending the below mail that is self explanatory thrice to the vodafone care e-mail
"vodafonecare.mum@vodafone.com" but it bounced with the message

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
vodafonecare.mum@vodafone.com
This message exceeds the maximum message size allowed.
Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please make the message smaller -- by removing attachments, for example -- and try sending it again, or provide the following diagnostic text to your system administrator.
Sent by Microsoft Exchange Server 2007


This was strange considering the fact that this was a plain text message with no attachments of any kind whatsoever. Can you kindly forward or address my issue and confirm.

Thanks,
Stephen


Mail 3 from Vodafone dated Jan. 1, 2011
(Interestingly in-spite of asking them not to call, the first thing Vodafone Care did was to call)

Dear Mr. Lobo,

Thank you for your email dated, 31/12/10 regarding the Vodafone mobile number 98208#####.

Further to our conversation, we have forwarded your request for the Statement of account for the above mentioned Vodafone mobile number and you will receive the same within 3 working days.

In case you need further assistance, please do call or email us. We’ll do our best to help you.

Happy to help,

Rupali Dhumal
Vodafone Care

 
Mail 4 to Vodafone dated Jan. 3, 2011

Dear Madam / Sir,

The conversation I had did not ask for the statement as your reply seems to suggest. All I said was "Do not call. If you have something to say or clarify, please send me a letter or mail."

I had informed you
a. I had informed both in my mail and then in your call, since you don't seem to read the mails that "Please do not call me regarding "Outstanding Payments" for a prepaid number. If at all there are any issues, please send a written letter to the address in your records.

b. I had also informed that the account has been made prepaid in August / September and that the same had been cleared at a Vodafone Center, so please update your records.

c. We had visited your Vodafone Center at Saki Vihar Road, in October as we were getting calls saying there was an outstanding amount. We were informed that the Vodafone Executive who converted the account had made a mistake and had forgotten to collect the pending amount. The same was then paid in cash and a receipt issued. There was an amount reflecting outstanding that had already been debited from our bank account. A copy of the passbook was taken by your executive who assured that your systems would be updated.

Kindly check and update your systems.

Regards,
An extremely unhappy customer who's being harassed and has to waste significant time for Vodafone's omissions. :-(((

Stephen


Mail 5 from Vodafone dated Jan. 4, 2011

Dear Mr. Lobo,

Thank you for your email dated, 03/01/11 regarding the Vodafone mobile number 98208#####.

Mr. Lobo further to our conversation on 01/01/11 we confirm the above mentioned Vodafone mobile number has an outstanding of Rs. 651.97 towards the Relationship number 1.14335098.

The last payment we have received is of Rs. 526 on 28/10/10.

We regret to inform you after the receipt of the above mentioned there is an outstanding of Rs. 651.97.

In case you need further assistance, please do call or email us. We’ll do our best to help you.

Happy to help,

Rupali Dhumal
Vodafone Care


Mail 6 to Vodafone dated Jan. 10, 2011

Dear Madam / Sirs,

I regret to inform you that in spite of the mails and telephonic conversation, you'll refuse to even check what is written. You'll continue to repeat what you're saying without once responding to the specific issues raised.

Let me try 1 last time.

The last payment received by you of Rs. 526 was 2 months after the number had been changed to pre-paid. And this was in your Vodafone Center. The reason for this was that the outstanding amount you are referring to of Rs. 651.97 includes a Rs. 100 late fee charge. However the original outstanding of Rs. 551 had been paid earlier on August 25, 2010 and the proof of this was given to the executive who handled the issue. He took a xerox, promised the system would be updated and hence concluded that the account is now closed.  That was the basis on which the amount of Rs. 526 was paid on Oct. 28, 2010.

For your ready reference the scanned copies of the details have been attached.

Once again, my sincere request is to kindly read the contents of the mail, understand what the client is saying and not send a standardized reply saying that there is an outstanding because your system says so.

Rgds,
Stephen


Mail 7 from Vodafone dated Jan. 11, 2011
This was preceded by an extremely rude and arrogant call to Ivy, at a hospital where she was in the OPD. The executive even after being informed, wanted the cheque details of the payment immediately. Ivy told them (I hope equally rudely), that they had wasted 6 months. They could wait till she was free. Their next call was to inform that the issue was resolved.


Dear Mr. Lobo,

Thank you for your email dated 10/01/11, regarding your Vodafone mobile number 98208##### .

Further to our conversation with Mrs. Lobo on 98204#####, we confirm we have clarified your query regarding the payment of Rs. 651/- made via cheque number 000113 on 25/08/10.

The same has been updated on Mrs. Lobo’s number 98208##### on 11/01/11.

In case you need further assistance, please do call or email us. We‘ll be happy to help you.

Happy to help,

Arwa Bohra
Vodafone Care


Mail 8 to Vodafone dated Jan 13, 2011

Dear Sirs,

I am distressed to note that after 5 months, a zillion harassment calls and several e-mails later, "Vodafone does not have the basic courtesy of admitting an error and apologizing for it." Instead it claims to have "clarified your query".

No Sir, you have just clarified your own multiple errors and are not even gracious about it. How come when we make an error we pay for it, in terms of delayed payment fees, connections disabled, harassment calls, ... How come the same set of rules do not apply to you all ?!
At the very least I expect that you escalate this to your seniors and have them look into the matter and issue an apology.

Regards,
Stephen

p.s.: In case any of the above is not possible, please feel free to close this case. I however reserve the right and will take it up in the appropriate forums.


Mail 9 from Vodafone dated Jan 15, 2011

Dear Mr. Lobo,

Thank you for your email dated 13/01/11, regarding your Vodafone mobile number 98208##### .

Further to our conversation with Mrs. Lobo on 98204#####, we confirm we have clarified your query regarding the payment of Rs. 651/- made via cheque number 000113.

We thank you for your feedback , and wish to inform you that we have noted the same.

We regret for the inconvenience caused to you.

In case you need further assistance, please do call or email us. We‘ll be happy to help you.

Happy to help,

Preeti Vegad
Vodafone Care

----------------------------------------------------
Its rather ironic that every mail has 2 lines in common.
"In case you need further assistance, please do call or email us. We‘ll be happy to help you."
and
"Happy to help,"

 And these are the exact 2 things that Vodafone Care does nothing about. A good start would be by reading the mails before sending "cut paste" replies.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

APE - Money Making Machine

Most people are fascinated by money. And I'm no exception. And the 1 place where it seems extremely easy to make seems to be the equity markets or as is more popularly called, the stock markets. Yet ironically, most people seem to have lost money on the stock market.

 And this started a chain of thoughts. Think about it. The stock market has given the best year on year returns of more than 10% as compared to most other indices over a 5 year period, across the last 100 years. And these are significantly higher than the returns on all other kinds of investments. And this begs the question ? Overall the market is giving the best possible positive returns, yet most people are losing, then who on earth is gaining ?

And in the answer lies the secret. A few people gain, and by virtue of simple arithmetic you can figure out that they gain hugely, bordering on the obnoxious. And now that we know this, the problem becomes rather simple. Can we figure out a way to join these special few.

Like all things in life there are only 3 ways to join a select group of people. The easiest way is to be born within the group over which we have no choice or the second to get married into the group. This choice too had many years ago passed by. And so now I was left with only the third option which was to beat them at their own game.

Unfortunately this is not easy. You need to be brilliant and a genius, which I sadly was not. And so would need a lot of help. I remember reading about an experiment a long time ago, where a few analysts made predictions about stocks in the market. And a monkey too was asked to create these predictions by randomly choosing stocks from the same set of stocks. In what seemed to be ridiculous, the results of the monkey and the analysts were similar.


And that's when a germ of an idea popped in. I thought of ourselves as the monkey. So we were already similar to the analysts. What if we had a little help. And when in need of help, I turn to computers. What if, we could figure out a way, in which the computer could help us in making predictions. We knew we could not know more, but what we could do was process data faster. A few thouand times faster.

And this idea was nicknamed APE. Reason being that an APE is the bigger version of the monkey we were trying to replicate. The one with the brute force. Its also a way of saying that we were trying to replicate (ape) a well known methodology more effectively.

However saying this would not be seen as professional. And so we made up an acronym for APE - Analytical and Predictive Engine. Sounds more scientific. And in reality this is what we hope our engine will do. We've managed to sell the concept and idea to a portfolio manager. Unfortunately the condition is that we'll have to prove a success rate of greater than 60%. And so we have our work cut out. Nevertheless, we hope to have the product out in the next 3 months. And whilst we're a little scared and anxious, we're very hopeful.

Look out for an update in April - May about what hapenned to the monkey who wanted to (be an) APE.


 
An interesting article on the stock market
http://www.wanderings.net/notebook/Main/HowStockMarketWorksMonkeysAndGoats

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011 - The beginning of a new decade

This is my first blog of the New Year. Actually new decade. And hence is very very special.

First I'd like to wish my 2.7 readers which is a 100% increase in readership over the last 1 year a very happy and prosperous year ahead. But don't spend too much time here, since its likely to impact the prosperity bit. You need to work for it.

This year, like previous years I requested Freia to come up with a topical New Year greeting that I could send my family, friends, colleagues, and whichever e-mail I happened to have. And like previous years, she came up with something that I liked.


2010 - An Eventful Year

We had the unfortunate Pakistan floods,
The Haiti quake was traguc,
The new iPhone and the Android technology,
And Spain worked its football magic.

Thailand went through a political crisis,
Wikileaks caused quite a chaos,
Costa Rica had its first woman president,
and the BP oil spill led to a big loss.

Liu Xiaobo receoved the Nobel in absentia,
And Aung San Suu Kyi finally said goodbye to jail,
Chilean mines were rescued,
And European finance grew quite stale.

So 2010 was quite an eventful year,
And not everything went too well,
Now let's have a fresh start in 2011,
And how it goes, only the future can tell.

So this year, may your life be filled with joy,
And may all your dreams come true,
From all of us out here,
A very Happy New Year to you.


Special occasions are time to be traditional. And tradition has it that New Year writings be about resolutions. And so I'll give my New Year resolutions. Not for the decade, but for 2011.


Resolution for the Decade

Make resolutions I can keep. And keep resolutions that I make.


2011 Resolutions - My 10 commandments for 2011

1. Office at 8
someone needs to open the doors

2. Complete writing my first Novel
even if it has no publisher or reader

3. Get technically updated
so that I know what my colleagues are talking about

4. Continue weekly blog
and double readership to 4

5. Reduce 10 kgs
and binge for the rest of the decade

6. Exercise regularly - 5 days a week
whilst watching TV

7. Get my flying license by 2012
and get set to fly high

8. Go do some scuba diving
and meet the underworld

9. Learn to manage financial instruments
so at least I stop losing money

10. Make 365 new connections
and hope to have 5 friends

Have a great year. And a greater decade. :-)