Death reveals all

Death has a strange way of catching up. Until December 2011, I hadn’t attended a single funeral in around 10 years. In the last 4 months, I’ve already attended 5, including 2 on the same day. It probably means I’m getting old, since the people you only met at weddings, you now meet only at funerals.

I noticed a few interesting things at these events. And each of them offered varying insights into how different people react in similar circumstances. The reaction of each of the 4 families was hugely different. It was but natural that all of the families were sad and grieving. But the levels of acceptance and reactions were strikingly different.

In the first case, my grandmother had lived a full life. The atmosphere was one of acceptance of the inevitable. In the second case, there were mixed feelings. Whilst one sibling kept his grief personal and appeared outwardly calm, the other expressed her grief vocally in powerful words. In the third case, the teenage daughter was inconsolable and her grief could be felt by all attending and brought tears to many a grown eye. The fourth the grief was more subdued and there were no tears shed, just fond goodbyes. The fifth was a combination of grief and fond goodbyes.

There were several similarities at the events. At each of these a member of the family or a close friend said a few words. And that’s where the similarity ended. Different families used different formats. A couple had a friend talk about the person and their family, like a resume. A couple had friends recollect a few personal moments. And one that stuck was a niece’s recollection of her uncle’s life. But the one that stuck a chord was that at the end of the tribute, a son walked up and thanked the doctors, neighbors and friends, and ended with, “Last but not the least, Dad we love you and will always miss you”. It was from the heart. Simple but very meaningful and real.

The second was the number of people who attend the final rites. You would expect that all of your relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues would be present. Surprisingly very few people find the time to make it. You can expect around 20 – 40 % of the number of people who attended your wedding. The even stranger thing is that half of those who attend hadn’t or wouldn’t have been invited to your wedding.

The one realization that did hit me when I attended these funerals was the realization of the limited time we have here. And I'll be careful to try and invite all the people likely to attend my funeral to my kids weddings, should I be fortunate enough to be around.It may also be a good idea to use that time wisely. And to spend it having fun with the people you love. Or even just like. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.