A Driving License - at 16

In India a milestone is the 18th birthday. In the US its the 16th. And coincidentally whilst Freia in India celebrated her 18th, Reia who's here is celebrating her 16th. Interestingly one of the main incentives for Reia to join me in the US was the fact that you could get a driving permit at 16. And she saw this as her opportunity to do something ahead of her sister who by virtue of being 2 years elder got to do everything before her.

And so a couple of months before her birthday she started finding things she needed to do to get her permit on her 16th birthday. She asked me to get the papers needed and she also got her school to give her a certified copy of her results, which was one of the acceptable forms of identification. She also did something she had never bothered for her school exams. She spoke to a few friends about what was needed to be done for the driving exams and found an app that could help her prepare. She bought the app, her first app purchase.

She used the app and prepared more than I've seen her prepare for her school exams. Which is not much, but relatively speaking quite a lot. On the eve of her birthday, she started getting a little nervous. Especially when I showed her the sample papers on the DMV site where she wasn't able to get the required  percentage of questions correct easily. She was torn between the joy of getting the permit and the sorrow of attempting and not getting it, on her birthday. She finally decided to be brave and attempt it.

On her birthday, April 2nd, I picked her up from school. And we went to the DMV. There was a long line, which is normal and we had to wait for about 45 minutes. The lady at the counter was nice, went through the papers and wanted to see Reia's marriage certificate. On realizing her faux pas, she apologized but not before pointing out that it was a long day, she was tired and that teenage marriages was not uncommon. Reia had a good laugh. Some think she's in middle school. And others think she's married. Finding the paperwork in order We were given a token number.

We had to wait for our turn and that came in another 20 odd minutes. Once again the papers were examined, the forms checked and on finding all okay, the payments received and asked to wait for the exams. The lady at the counter noticed it was her 16th birthday and wished her "Happy Birthday and Best of luck". Reia was happy. We sat just outside where the test were being conducted and waited for Reia's turn. We saw several teenagers go in for their exams. There was a mother daughter waiting too. Unlike us, they were busy. The mother was applying make-up to her daughter and the daughter too was applying makeup to herself. It was straight out of a Hollywood movie set where the makeup artist is getting the star ready for her shoot. In this case, I assume the shoot was the photo for the license.

The made up star was called. She took her vision test and color test and passed. In the meanwhile 5 teenagers who had gone came out. Some of them in tears. Others with sad faces, yet others with a grin but a negative shake of the head. They had all not made it. Reia was now scared. She started thinking of what her reaction should be after failing. Strangely enough she was now no longer nervous. Failing was the norm and so not a big deal. Whilst this happened the made up star was out. In under 3 minutes. She probably managed to get all of her first 5 questions wrong. And in true star style she had tears rolling down her eyes, and her makeup dripping across her face. I was glad I did not have to handle running makeup.

Reia was called. She too quickly cleared her vision and color test. And was taken to the dreaded computer test. 5 minutes went by. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. No sign of Reia. Others who had gone after her were coming out. Unsuccessful. 20 minutes later. Still no Reia. Finally I see Reia coming out. And the smile from cheek to cheek, lighting up the DMV told the story.

We then had to again stand in line, pay for the permit, stand in line, get the photo taken, stand in line and finally collect the license. And during all of this, which must have taken around 30 minutes, Reia couldn't stop smiling. I was relieved. I was desperate that she have a happy birthday. And it was. Probably the Happiest Birthday ever.

Welcome Home Ivy

My wife Ivy and I hadn't seen each other since August of last year when Reia and I moved to the US. She was visiting Reia and was to come on Friday, while I'm scheduled to go to India a few days later. The bad news is that we won't get too much time with each other. The good news is that we will get a few days.

Reia and I were excited. We had bought a house here in Wilton and the closing was scheduled to happen on April 2nd. I thought what if I could prepone it by a few days. And give Ivy a surprise. Not possible I was told, but that had never stopped me from trying. Called my realtor who called the sellers realtor who called the seller who called her lawyer who called my lawyer who called my bank who called me and after a couple of these circular conversations everyone actually agreed. But the earliest it was possible was the 29th at 1 p.m. Ivy's flight got in at 4 p.m. Just about time if all went well for me to close and go pick up Ivy at the airport.

I made all the down payments to my lawyer the previous day, to reduce delays the next day. I had an appointment at 11.30 am the next day with my realtor Linda to do a walk about in my soon to be new home. Reia and I met Linda at 11.30 and did the walk about. Linda was more interested than us in ensuring that everything was working. Reia and I were too excited to care. Once Linda approved she gave us a key from the realtor's box but not before extracting a promise that we wouldn't use it until the formal closing. This was so we had a key to get Ivy to the house.

We then went to my lawyer's office. He had all the papers ready. And got me to sign in a zillion places. And for some that needed a witness, he had his assistant witness them, but only after I signed in front of her, so it all was done exactly as required. Finally after what seemed like a long time, but was under 10 minutes when I looked at the time, he smiled and said, we were all good. He gave me the 2 checks from Citibank to hold before he would exchange them with the sellers lawyer. I held it lovingly before kissing it goodbye. It was 12.30.

My lawyer, Nate one of the nicest lawyers and also one of the nicest persons I had met, a rare combination for a lawyer said I could leave and he would call me as soon as he had completed the closing and the house was mine. Reia and I set off for the airport. We were hoping the call would come before we picked up Ivy. Luckily for us the call came whilst we were on the way to the airport. It was short and simple, "Congratulations. You are now the legal owner of 16 Wilton Crest.". A simpler response, "Thank You".

We encountered the usual traffic on our way to JFK and got an SMS notifying us that Ivy's flight had landed long before we got to JFK. We were hoping that Ivy would follow the family tradition of having our bags being the last to arrive on the occasions that they were not lost. She did not disappoint. And long after we reached the airport, out walked Ivy, looking prettier and more beautiful than I remembered her. Reia and I couldn't stop smiling and were competing with each other to get her attention and to talk with her. Needless to say, I lost.

In the car, once Reia had a breather, I told Ivy I had some news for her. And informed her that the owners of the house we were buying had changed their mind about closing and they would no longer do the closing on the 2nd. Ivy who was so looking forward to doing up the house on her short trip of a week looked devastated. She put up a brave front and said its okay. Before launching into a tirade about how I was an expert at botching up stuff. She was convinced I must have done something wrong to get the owners to change their mind and so on and so forth. Reia who normally cannot stop giggling put up a brave front and joined her Mon in criticizing me. She was able to get in her share of stuff I had done for which I was to be blamed, aware that there was nothing I could say. I grinned and tried putting up a brave front but without much luck.

We finally pulled up at our new home. Ivy looked around and said this reminded her of the house we were to buy. She still didn't get it. We entered the home and she looked around and loved everything that she saw. And still didn't get it. She finally went to the bedrooms and seeing no furniture was puzzled. And finally got it. And started yelling and shrieking and jumping like a kid who got everything she wanted. That moment of joy, made it all worthwhile. And the hug and kiss I got was amazing enough to qualify for its very own article.

Sarah Kay - A Celebrity with a Heart

A few weeks ago my daughter Freia who celebrated her birthday on the 21st asked me if she could take her friends to meet her favorite person, a spoken word poet named Sarah Kay. In a rare coincidence she was going to be performing free in Mumbai on that day. How much better could life get ?

I readily agreed although at that point I neither knew what spoken word poetry was or who Sarah Kay was.

An 18th birthday is a milestone when a child becomes an adult. Unfortunately on this momentous day I was unable to be with her. And so decided to try and make her day. In my stupidity I thought that I should write to Sarah Kay and request her to say Happy Birthday Freia during her show. I looked up her website and wrote her a short note explaining the situation with my request.

And then I looked her up. And her work. I had a realization. She was terrific. The art was amazing. How could I have not known about this form of art which seemed to be the most natural form of art that could be. More relatable than any of the recognized forms of fine art such as literature or painting or ...

And I realized what a stupid thing I had done. Writing her and expecting something to happen. It was like writing to a Hollywood Star and expecting something to happen. You have to be stupid or completely out of your mind and in all probability, both.

On the 21st when I called to wish Freia, she told me, "Thank you for my amazing gift". I froze in horror. Oh my God! Its my daughter's 18th birthday and I had forgotten to get her a gift. And this sweet child had matured into a sarcastic adult and was letting me know, she was not pleased.

A moment later, she continued. When did you write to Sarah Kay ? She wished me in front of the whole crowd. And said nice things. And met me later., And signed my book. And ... I smiled in relief. And in my all knowing tone said, "That's what Dad's are for ? To shock and awe".

And said a silent prayer, "Thank You Sarah". You're not only the most terrific spoken word performer, you are the nicest human being. You took time out to step down from your celebrity status and made a young lady's day, and year and ..." And her spoken word partner Phil is equally terrific.

And for all of you who haven't heard of spoken word poetry, you life is incomplete till you check it out. And don't miss her TED talk.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html

And do check out her website
http://www.kaysarahsera.com/

Happy 18th

Words of advise from a dad to his daughter on her 18th birthday

Dearest Freia,

I wanted to write a long letter with tons of advise on your 18th birthday as you formally become an adult and step out into the wide world. And then realized that now that you're an adult, maybe its time I stopped telling you what to do and rely on your wisdom to do whats best for you.

And so I have just 1 small nugget for you. Okay, not that small, but definitely less than a 23 page sermon.

Believe in yourself, else no one else will.

Enjoy what you do. And the more you do and the harder you work, the more fun you'll have.

And before you do anything, pause for a second to consider if its something you'd be proud of. And if the answer is Yes, do it with all your heart and soul"

Happy Birthday Freia.

pa
pa

CAPT - Is there a better way ?

 

Reia had her CAPT exams this week. And she has a few more next week. There are a total of 8 tests. 2 on Reading. 2 on Writing. 2 on Math and 2 on Science. CAPT is an acronym for Connecticut Academic Performance Test. The intended purpose of the tests is to evaluate that high school students meet a minimum standard of knowledge in the basic subjects.

Whilst the intent is commendable, its the methodology which I believe is flawed. I'm no educationist or psychologist or one of the other zillion experts in various fields who have been consulted in creating these standards. But I'm a parent and find that several questions come to mind.

The tests are supposed to be based on common knowledge and aptitude and hence supposedly need no preparation. Sounds perfect. And a great idea. Till you actually see the sample questions. And then quickly realize that not only do these require you to be prepared, but more importantly if you've not studied the subjects in question, you could be in deep trouble.

The Math requires you to have done a fair amount of Math. And so several students like Reia who have not studied Math or have only a basic level of Math are seeing the problems on the test for the first time. So let alone solve the problem, they have difficulty in understanding the question. And the same is true for Science. English is a little better off, but not much. Because the CAPT is looking for specific things. Which the student may have no idea. And so assumes a different approach which could lead to a poorer performance.

At the end of the day the question is, "Is there a better way ?" And my answer is "Yes". I'm giving one solution, but am sure that there could be many more, some which may be much better than mine.

The solution starts with the intent which is to ensure that each student who passes from High School has a reasonable or predetermined level of knowledge which can be compared relatively across the State or country. Let us assume that the 4 subjects that are chosen are Reading, Writing, Math and Science. Whilst I don't believe that a fixed choice of these subjects is the best choice, for now lets assume that.

Since the purpose is to ensure that all of them achieve a certain minimum standard an internal test should be conducted, say at the beginning of the Sophomore Year. All students should first be provided study material which covers the scope of the testing and allows them to be prepared in the subjects in which they are going to be measured. Based on the results of the tests, all students who don't meet the standards should have a special CAPT class that will train them in the subjects in which they need help. This will allow them to be better prepared for the CAPT exams. And finally there should be available a bank of practice papers and questions like the SAT's that will allow the students to be well prepared.

The primary purpose of education is to help students learn. And that of a test to measure that learning. Hence its critical that a test be preceded by learning which is sadly missing in the CAPT. Hopefully this will change in the near future. And students like Reia will benefit.

A walk in the wall

This morning I ended up walking into a wall. It was the beginning of an interesting experience.

Tue, Feb 26
Wake up at 6.30. Get ready. Struggle to wake Reia up. Barely succeed. Prepare breakfast and lunch for Reia. Manage to throw her out in time. Go to work. Return home at 8. Have dinner. Watch TV and work. Go to bed at 2 am on Wed.



Wed, Feb 27
Wake up at 6.30. Get ready. Struggle to wake Reia up. Barely succeed. Prepare breakfast and lunch for Reia. Manage to throw her out in time. Go to work. Return home at 8. Have dinner. Watch TV and work. Go to bed at 3 am on Thu.


Thu, Feb 28
Early morning
Wake up at 5.30 to go to the washroom. Find myself horizontal on the floor. Grope around and find the vacuum. Realize I'm outside our bedroom door. Get on my feet and walk towards the bathroom. Find myself horizontal again. Look up and see Frank, my brother and Reia, my daughter. Reia asks, "Are you okay Dad ?". Say I'm fine, get up on my feet and walk to the dining room. Sit down. They want to make sure I'm okay. Ask me my name and various complicated mathematical questions like 2 + 2. Get all right. Presumably am okay. But not a genius since I get 3125 x 1357 wrong. Have a cut lip and sip some water and juice throw a straw. Reia wants me to go to the ER. I resist. We compromise on calling Ivy, my wife and a physician. She appears calm and says, its okay, but go to the doc in the morning. Am alert enough to ask Reia to eat at the cafeteria. And drowsily tell her goodbye at 7.30. Wake up at 9. Laze around and check my mail. Speak to office in India and answer questions.

Morning
At 1030 Frank calls and says he's coming to pick me up and take me to the doc. Wake up and go to the bathroom and go to get ready. Splash water on my face. Find myself horizontal again. By now am an expert at finding myself horizontal. And think I know what to do. Get on the bed and lie down. Walk towards the bedroom and find myself horizontal again, for the 4th time. On the bedroom floor. With the night stand, lamp, and other stuff all fallen. Dana, Frank's wife hears the sound of falling stuff and come in. Helps me get on my feet and then off it onto the bed. By now, I'm scared. What in earth is happening.

At 1045 Frank comes in. Walk to the car, holding him. We go to the Wilton Clinic. Fill out the forms and wait for the doctor to be free. 15 minutes later she wants to hear what happened. She's examining my lip and is cleaning the area with saline. I know I'm about to pass out, and tell her. She pushes my head down, raises my legs and I'm fine. She says the lip cut is deep and needs stitches. Also the four and a half times of passing out isn't good and we need to go to the ER.

Afternoon
Frank drives me to the ER of Norwalk Hospital. They take the vital signs and then get me to change to the hospital gown. I'm hopeful of getting out quickly, maybe an hour at most. Nurses and technicians walk in and out. Each one plays a small role, one of which is to ask me what happened. By now I've told the story more than 10 times and each one ends with, "Wow, really". Finally the doctor comes in. He looks at the lip. Says it needs to be stitched, but will be okay in a few weeks. Its the passing out he's concerned about. Asks about medical history. Perfect. Family history. Perfect. Previous incidents. None.... Nada, Nada, Nada. Orders a few more tests.

Evening
By now they've taken blood samples and a urine sample and are running tests. They've also hooked me up to a heart monitor and are observing it. An ECG (or EKG as they call it here) is taken. They send me for a set of X-Rays - Head, Neck, Shoulder, Chest, ... And then for a CAT scan of the head. I'm on a stretcher the whole time. They want to try and make sure that I don't collapse a 5th time. At least not in their hospital. Results are available quickly. The doctor is back. With good news. And bad news. The good news is that everything is perfect. The bad news is that now they're even more concerned. What the hell happened ? He says he has to admit me. Just for a day. By now they've also put a few stitches on my lip. Shutting me up for a while.

Night
All this while, I'm on a stretcher. And wheeled in to a room on the 8th floor of the hospital. A room with a view. Can see the water and in the distance New York and Long Island. The room has a TV and its comfortable. But I'd rather be home. I'm now connected to a remote heart monitor which is being monitored from a central cardio unit on the 9th floor. I've been given no restrictions, except am not allowed to move around unescorted. They manage this by having a green wristband which tells everyone that I'm on bed rest.

Fri, March 1
Through the night technicians have been taking blood at 6 hourly intervals. Other than that had a good nights of sleep. Catching up on all my sleep. Morning am wheeled into some more tests. This time its for a sonogram of the cardio vessels. And then for a echo cardiogram. The doctor comes in again with good news and bad news. The good news is that the tests are all perfect. The bad news, we still don't know what the hell happened ? And so, more tests. One more day. By now I've set up my office in the hospital. The food table is the work desk and the visitor chair is the work chair. An elaborate menu means not only am I well fed, I get to choose what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. During the day, the attending physician wants a 2nd opinion. And so am referred to a neurologist. He comes in and after the story, responds with "Wow, really". Finds nothing wrong. And that's his concern. Recommends an MRI and an MRA.

Sat, March 2
The MRI and MRA that was supposed to be done yesterday was postponed to today at 8, due to several emergencies during the evening. In the morning, there's an internal miscommunication and they're told I'm discharged. Whilst I'm patiently waiting for the tests. Finally at 9 the confusion is cleared and I'm wheeled to the MRI center. The 2 tests take around 45 minutes and I'm wheeled back to the room. An hour later I'm informed that the results once again show nothing and since there's no other test left to be performed, they'll release me in a couple of hours.

At 3 p.m. I'm finally released. At the end of all of the investigations, there is only 1 word in the discharge report. "Fall". It probably should have been "Wall", since that's what I think happened. I walked into the wall in the dark and cut my lip. The trauma of the lip caused all those other falls. Proving once and for all the truth of the age old adage, "There's many a slip between the cup and the lip."

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

This week its exactly 6 months since Reia and I moved to the US leaving Ivy and Freia in India. And in these 6 months I've learnt more about how much they mean to me than I did in the last 19 years.

Its strange how we never appreciate things that are close. And only realize their value when we don't have it. And this couldn't be more true in my case.

When the 4 of us were together we led an extremely happy and fulfilling life. But the one thing we didn't do was spend quality time. We did things together. But we never did nothing together.

Being away has brought all of us closer. We are away but spend more time with each other. Ironical that its on Skype and the telephone. The fact that these services are free or a low fee for unlimited usage helps.

Bottom-line, learn to appreciate what you have, whilst you have it. Else it might be too late. Would love to write more, but guess what. Have a call to make.